French Perspective

This evening, before dinner, I had a pretty good talk with Mme. Smith. (Which brought home to me that one of the hardest things about this language barrier is not being able to have a discussion, heart-to-heart talk, or anything of the sort with people here!!) We started with my reasons for coming to France and finished with the difference of outlook on marriage between our two countries. (No, those two topics were NOT related!!!)

I rather shock myself, but the truth is: I'm not quite sure why I DID come to France!! I had no concrete reason; no certain goal. Yes, I wanted to learn the language. Yes, I wanted some experience away from home, preferably in Europe. Yes, I had nothing else presenting itself for my occupation this year. But, in the end, what DO I tell people when they ask my reasons for coming?! I tell them those things, but it always sounds a bit open-ended, a little unsatisfying. Even I'm left wondering, "Why?" I don't know exactly... except that I'm sure it was God's Will for me this year. Although I may not be able to give one, particular reason for being here, I do know that I appreciate being here and that I'm enjoying it... and that even through the rough parts, I haven't REALLY wanted to leave it behind and go home. It's just like Mom said before I left, "Going to Europe is somewhat like visiting a Grandmother's house. It's not the same as home, but it's familiar." This is really true... mostly because of all the history over here that is lacking in the United States, and because the United States was colonized by Europeans.
I was telling Mme. Smith these things (well, I was trying! It was awfully stilted, I'm afraid!) and we agreed that an American's reasons for coming to Europe are very different than a European's for going to the States. She said that Europeans often go to the States just out of curiosity, for an adventure, to earn money, or sometimes for the sake of learning English (although a lot more go to Great Britain for that purpose). But she said that it's very hard for Europeans to live in America, because it is so lacking in history, in deep-seated culture, in character. This was not a slur against the United States... it's an objective fact; very true, really. She told me that many Europeans can't live in the States because it feels too empty, too shallow. I had never thought of this in as many words before, but I can totally understand it!! Heck, I'm not sure I'll be able to live in the U.S. when I get back! (LOL! I'm joking! The U.S. is my home and I do love it. But I could sense that "void" when I was home in October... how much more will I notice it upon my return this summer??)

With a slightly unusual segue (the person who was most influential in my final decision to come to France), the topic changed to cultural customs regarding dating, engagement, and marriage. Mme. Smith told me what I had already observed and heard about a little bit: the dating period before engagement is relatively quite short in France. This is because the young people go around in mixed groups quite a lot. In this way, they get to know each other (and everybody) very well without becoming exclusive or going steady. When a boy decides to ask a girl out, they typically already know each other well enough that it's not long before they're engaged to be married. Engagement lasts between six months and a year, in general.
The age at which young people marry in France is, on average, older than in the United States. Twenty-five is a pretty typical age, even for the girls. Often, both the young man and young woman have finished university and are working before they get married. That's because, in France, as Mme. Smith put it, "C'est independence ou pas de mariage." There's no moving in with the in-laws after marriage. The parents "cut their children off." It's sink-or-swim. Which is great incentive for being financially stable before taking such a serious step!
(As a side-note, Rose and I discovered over Christmas vacation that, in Switzerland, there aren't usually engagements!!! The couple just gets married. I was pretty floored when I heard that! I'm still a little puzzled how that works... I don't suppose there is ever a formal proposal in that case, but when do they set the date? And how do they know when to start planning the invitations, the dress, the flowers, etc?? But it's true: they don't get engaged in Switzerland; they just get married.)